


a hundred year of memories

by aimichan



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Ghosts, M/M, Reincarnation, Romance once Hikaru is older, Suicide, only in the epilogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 09:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7752448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimichan/pseuds/aimichan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sai is reborn as Shindou Hikaru with all of his memories intact.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. nigiri

As with any child, Hikaru’s memories of his childhood is full of small glimpses that seem to flash by as he grows. The time he fell down and scraped his knee, The joy of kicking a ball for the first time. The delicious curry grandma used to make every Saturday.

But there is another set of memories that doesn’t quite fit in with his current life. A gentle hand patting his head in praise as he finished his first piece on the flute. The subtle smile his teacher gives when he completes a letter just right. And more than anything else, a game on a wooden board covered with black inked squares, small, smooth black and white stones littered across it.  
  
He has thousands of memories of games he’s played, the first hundred or so full of learning and losing, and then, slowly, winning, until he reaches the top. He’s the best of the best, in pursuit of a noble dream, the Hand of God. When he thinks of this, his heart swells with joy, pride, and love of a game that gave him so much fulfillment… except.

There’s one memory that taints his memories. Even now, he can feel the water rippling around him, the sound of bugs in flight in the air around him, with the smell of murky water and water lilies mingling together. Hikaru feels the water enter him as he sinks down and down, and for a moment he struggles instinctively, but the crushing weight of shame, despair, and betrayal weigh him down to the depths, taking with it his feelings of panic and fear of death.

This memory haunts him the most, visiting his dreams often, until every time he so much as hears the word Go, he feels death and betrayal. Still, he finds his fingers mold around smooth stones out in the park, trying to grasp it like he used to, but not quite able to work around the shaking.

He thinks of games he’s played before, and how he might have won, or how he might have won more efficiently. Hikaru, more than anything, wants to play with all his heart, but the sight of the board brings back the water, and he drowns again.

Hikaru manages to push away both problems the instant he first kicks a soccer ball. He’s never felt more clear headed than in that moment where just sweet bliss fills him, and he thinks he’s found home at last.

It’s not the flute, or calligraphy, all of which he still remembers and thus is colored by the game that so enveloped his life then. This is new and it’s Hikaru’s, not Sai’s, so Hikaru clings to soccer, and if he occasionally thinks of his teammates as clusters and the ball as a new stone to breath life into the game, well, it only helps his team win, so he leaves it be, ignoring the ache in his soul.  
  
His childhood years pass into the early teenage years and Hikaru smiles at his tan reflection with his bleach blond hair, an agreement between Hikaru and his mother should his team win the championships. He’s too well-mannered to do it without permission, something from _before_ that has stuck to him, but manners has no influence on his dress sense, and as a pre-teen, he wants to look cool and distinct.

Hikaru thinks back to the long hair he’d had back then as Sai, and thinks he hasn’t changed all that much overall. Sai had been quite a fashion diva himself after all. He smiles softly at the gentle memory, and an adventurous streak enters Hikaru.

He grins as he decides to take a different path home today, wanting to wander and marvel at the differences in the world today, the memories of the past strangely gentle today. The buildings are grand and flashy, full of colors unthinkable back then. An airplane soars past him in the sky, and Hikaru wonders how metal can fly, and if he’ll ever get to ride one.

He thinks back to the horse drawn carriages, and wonders at the cars and trains that he has ridden, filled with AC so that he can be cool even in the summer.

Umbrellas, thankfully, are still the same, if mostly made of metal instead of wood, but he still carries a wooden umbrella on rainy days for comfort. His eyes crinkle when he remembers the fuss his mother put up when he asked for the bulky wooden umbrella instead of the sleek and easy to pack metal umbrella to take to school. He so rarely asked for things, however, which was probably why his mother had indulged him.

Hikaru wanders and wanders, until he arrives at a stop. He pauses, looks to his right, then to his left, when he sees it.

The store is brightly lit and possesses none of the usual smoke found in these kinds of stores. There’s a lot of space inside, and from what he can see, a lot of different kinds of people are sitting across from one another, staring seriously on the wooden board between them.

Hikaru’s eyes widen as he braces himself for death to overtake him, but nothing happens. His heartbeat is elevated, and he swallows the gathered saliva in his mouth with an audible gulp, then hesitantly approaches the door. Nothing happens, and Hikaru lets out a breath of relief.

Then, a stray thought enters his mind. Could he enter and play? He’s not too sure, because while he might not be remembering his death right now, he still feels anxious and scared. He shakes his head. He might be a little better, but he needs more time before he’s ready to touch a board, so he turns to leave when a boy who looks to be his age stops him.

“Are you here to play?”

It’s a simple question, and Hikaru struggles with his answer as he feels his soul push and pull for a yes while his mind is churning up a no. He settles for a vague shrug. The boy holds the door open like a gentleman, and for a moment, Hikaru is amused and glad to see manners still exist in some kids not counting Akari, before the smell hits him. It’s nostalgic. It’s nauseating.

The lady at the front desk begins to explain about the prices, and Hikaru takes it as a chance to escape. “I don’t have any money,” and he’s got his hand on the door, ready to push it open and be free, but the boy interjects.

“It’s fine this time, right Ichikawa-san?”

“If you say so Akira-kun.”

Hikaru finds himself following this boy to the back, and all of a sudden, he’s sitting across from the boy, an oh so familiar board in front of him. He struggles to not reach out and stroke the wood. It’s not kaya, but it’s a goban, and it’s his first time seeing one in person in this life.

“How much would you like for a handicap?” the boy asks him.

Hikaru almost laughs at the idea of him taking a handicap. No. He should be asking the boy if he needs a handicap, but the anxiety overpowers any manners he has.

“No handicaps,” he ends up saying bluntly and plainly because short sentences are all he’s able to get out from the dual emotions of joy and elation along with a growing case of anxiety and fear.

Hikaru barely notices as the boy hands him his stones, white, and clack. A black stone is on the board. It’s an opening move, and Hikaru automatically grabs a stone. He holds it in his hands and tears well up in his eyes at the smooth comforting feel of the stone, but he swallows it down as he clumsily places it on the board, fingers trembling at the touch.

Clack.

Tap.

Clack.

Tap.

Hikaru falls into a rhythm, and it’s almost therapeutic, just handling the stone and sitting across an opponent over a board he’s so intimate with. And he knows with a surety that this is home. He’s finally where he belongs and everything is perfect for one moment.

The opening moves are finishing, and they’re moving into the meat of the game. The boy is aggressive and occasionally overextends, and Hikaru finds himself placing a stone here, or one there, trying to help this boy learn that this shape is better for defending, and this one better for attacking.

It turns into a teaching game, his first game, and it eases him into the flow of the game, and he can’t help but think that this is what he wants to do in the back of his mind. He wants to teach others how to play Go, to love it as he does, and to progress until they reach the Hand of God.

Light seems to shine down on Hikaru in that one moment as he ruminates on the Hand of God in the middle of this game, and he wonders if that is his purpose for being here again, to try and reach that perfect move once more.

Then, the moment breaks as he hears a clack as the boy puts down a white stone and he returns to the flow of the game. The game ends in his favor, and he quietly thanks the boy for the game and leaves, the boy still staring at the board.

Hikaru manages to make it to the bathroom at the park near his home before he throws up. He feels the anxiety and fear that had been building up leave him as he washes up by the sink. He heads home with a pensive smile on his face. Now that he’s touched a goban, he can’t avoid the call of Go anymore.

He might not be ready for gaming with real people, the memory of _that_ man still clear in his mind, but he wants to play Go. Now all he needs to think of is how to ask his mother to buy him a goban when he’s never showed interest in it before. Well, he’s got about a hundred year of memories in his mind. He’s sure he’ll think of something.


	2. fuseki

Hikaru is surprised to find out that his grandfather possesses Torajiro’s goban. Hikaru doesn’t remember as much of Torajiro as he does his first life, but he knows some things, like how he was a kind child, and how he’d given his life to Sai. Sure Torajiro benefited from the relationship, but he’d given everything to Sai, to Hikaru.

So it was with great reverence and love that he received the old goban. The stones were easy to come by, and now, Hikaru has both a precious goban and new stones in front of him.

Every day, before school, after school, before bed, he takes the time to touch the goban or play with a few stones. He’s to the point where he can hold a stone without shaking, and he can play for almost an hour before anxiety wins.

Each moment, he’s getting better, and he’s overcoming the fear of death and betrayal with his love of Go, and nothing makes him happier than the moment he recreates an old game he’d played with his mother.

“You’re so skilled. You will bring our family great honor, my child.” She’d smiled proudly as she’d gazed at the game before her, her white stones lost to his black ones. He’d smiled shyly, happy to please his mother.

Hikaru smiles at the memory, before blackness taints it, and he shakes it away, focusing on the stones in front of him. He can’t let that moment in his life ruin Go, so he grits his teeth and continues to acclimate himself to the goban, another fond game coming to mind.

 

* * *

 

Hikaru recreates game after game, but he feels empty, and he knows why. He’s playing by himself, and Go is a game for two. It’s a game to share, to push and pull against each other until they reach the Hand of God.

But Hikaru’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to go out and play against people. For one, he’s young. He’d struggled enough to get the goban and stones in the first place, so it would be doubly hard to convince his parents of his sudden skill in Go, a game he’s never seen aside from that one game with the boy.

And again, he’s young. People tend to underestimate children, and when they show true skill, they are praised and placed upon a pedestal, and at that moment, people good and bad are drawn to them. Hikaru isn’t sure he can deal with either of those at the moment, so he needs to find another way to play against someone without actually being there.

His father is the one who helps him in this aspect. It seems his father has been looking into Go after Hikaru showed interest in the game, and he’s found an online site that lets him play against real people, but hidden by a username.

The old part of Hikaru is fascinated by the concept of being able to play against real people through a plastic box, but the Hikaru of now knows what a computer is, and even as he feels marvel at it because nothing could compare to it back in the day, he knows how to maneuver it just fine.

He’s registering on the site, and it asks for a username and password to finish. Hikaru hesitates for a bit, not sure what he wants to use. He can’t use any of his usual usernames as that would be a giveaway to any of his friends, not that they play Go, but one can never be too cautious.

Hikaru goes through all of his favorite things, favorite colors, favorite places, then realizes there’s one name he can use that no one would ever relate to him, but holds the meaning of his existence. Sai enters the username spot along with his generic password, and he’s in.

He fiddles around, getting used to the features and functions, then jumps into a game. The opponent is called zelda, but none of it really matters to him. He’s just excited that he’s finally playing a game with someone, and he isn’t feeling any of the dread he usually feels because it’s over a computer and not a goban.

So smiling gleefully, he begins the game.


	3. honte

Waya’s been following Sai since that first game he played against him. He still remembers that day clearly because it had been such an awful day at the Institute. His game had gone horribly, and while most of the other Insei had been sympathetic, Ochi had made a comment that made Waya want to punch him in the face.

So he’d come home and hopped online, hoping to have an easy game crushing a noob or two when he’d been challenged by a level 1 player. He’d barely given it a thought when he’d accepted at the time, and only now as he looks back does he regret it.

It’s hard to get a game with Sai as people challenge him the moment he’s online, hoping to be the one picked by what most forumers on Netgo are calling the god of Go. His play style is like that of Honinbou Shuusaku, except one who is rapidly learning modern Go. It’s fascinating to watch how much he’s adapting as it is to see the play style of someone long dead.

What’s even more curious is the times he plays. Sai tends to get on for a game or two in the morning, then gets off for a few hours, before getting back on sometime after one or two and staying on until dinner time. Occasionally he’ll play a game in the evening, but it’s rare, almost as if a parent was controlling how often a child stayed on the computer.

It’s both a frightening thought and an exciting thought that Sai could be a kid, one even younger than Waya.

 

* * *

 

Akira is pretty certain he knows who Sai is as he chances upon a discussion of the internet sensation known as Sai at an international amateur Go tournament. People are calling him the ghost of Shuusaku or the god of Go, but Akira still remembers the boy who’d sat stiff and uncomfortably at his father’s Go salon with the bleached bangs. The boy who’d beaten him. The boy who’d played a teaching game against him.

For a moment, Akira wants to say something, to speak up and say I know Sai, but he knows it would just draw unwanted attention to him, and he isn’t certain. It was just one game, and the boy had trembled as he’d held the stones pinched between his fingers.

Still, Akira hasn’t been able to forget the boy who’s name he didn’t even think to ask, or the game they’d played, and he wants to play him again. And maybe even solve this mystery of Sai that’s swept even Ogata-san and his father in.

So he decides to make an effort to find the boy, and miraculously, the first local school he checks out just as the students are leaving has that boy with the bleached bangs walking out with a female friend by his side.

Akira approaches them a bit hesitant but determined, and watches as the boy’s eyes meets his own. The boy’s green eyes crinkle into a smile and he waves his friend away who sighs and goes on ahead with a shake of her head, as if this happens regularly, and Akira is left with just the boy as people walk past them.

He gathers himself, trying to think of what to say, how to greet him, but what blurts out is, “I want another game!”

The boy looks stunned for a moment, then laughs joyfully. “Sure,” he replies with an ease he didn’t have the first time Akira had invited him for a game.

There are many mysteries surrounding this boy, but Akira’s hoping that the answers will come through the game.

 

* * *

 

It is surprising to see the boy again, but a pleasant one, Hikaru thinks even as the boy is struggling across the goban. The game in front of them is all together different from that first game they’d played a few months ago. That one had been a teaching game, one easing Hikaru into Go as he had not played in a thousand years as himself.

This one is full of his confidence and strength, no longer cowed by the betrayal and death that seemed to follow Go in his thoughts. Netgo has helped tremendously in that area, as well as having Torajiro’s goban in his room. Kind memories permeate the games he plays on that board, and it fills in that darkness that had tainted his soul.

The boy had tried his best, Hikaru acknowledges that. He’s just not experienced enough to battle Hikaru as an equal, but Hikaru’s certain the boy will be a powerful Go player in his own right once he’s played a few thousand more games or so.

“I surrender,” the boy whispers in a choked voice, and Hikaru sterns his heart because to do less would be disrespectful to the boy across him. He gets up and thanks him for the game, ready to leave, when a large shadow stands beside their board.

The man is dressed in traditional wear which is both nostalgic and strange to see, and his countenance is very serious as he observes the game. Hikaru wonders if he can leave now because his mother will want him home soon, but he doesn’t want to be rude and just walk out when someone is viewing their game, so he stays standing, waiting for the man to leave or to ask questions about the game.

Instead he asks, “You played black?” to Hikaru.

Hikaru pauses, because this man is very serious, but Hikaru remembers his life as Sai and knows just how somber Go can be, and replies in kind, “Yes.”  
  
“I would like to request a game.”

At that, Hikaru blinks, the spell broken, but he smiles regretfully. “I have to go home now, but perhaps next time?”

The man’s own seriousness seems to draw back at the reminder that Hikaru is a child with a parent waiting for his arrival, and he nods. “I will be here on Friday and Tuesday around five, and all day Sunday.”

Hikaru nods and smiles. “I’ll see if I can come sometime Sunday then. Thank you for the game,” he says back to the boy who seems to be breaking out of the spell of loss at last before leaving.  
  
He really is a little late at going home, but he hopes his mother will understand. It was his first game in this life with a human opponent over a goban that leaves him feeling only joy, and looking forward to the next game that awaits him.


	4. miai

The game is a lot more somber than what Hikaru initially thought the game would be like. It reminds him a lot of _that_ game which had been in front of the Emperor they had both tutored. The other had _tainted_ that game forever with his deeds, and Sai had immortalized the darkness by taking his own life.  
  
Deep in his soul, Hikaru can feel a stewing darkness. It boils inside him, but he’s had hundreds of games now through the use of the internet. He knows he can play Go without that taint ruining him. He knows that the light, his love of Go, is still going strong in his heart.

So Hikaru steels himself as he plays the next move and focuses on the masterpiece they are creating in this moment.

A battle begins in one corner, then another near the center, and a cluster near him threatens to be taken, and Hikaru realizes that this opponent is far beyond the skill of any of those he found online. This is a person who has dedicated their life to Go, and Hikaru feels such a yearning for kinship with this man that he knows is inappropriate for a child to feel, but he has never been a child.

So many emotions bounce back and forth in his mind, causing Hikaru to pause for a moment to center himself. He clenches down on the darkness and thrusts aside the elation, and focuses solely on the game, his eyes almost glowing from the concentration he’s putting in.

Hikaru doesn’t notice the passage of time, of how hours has gone by, and finally, as they enter yose, the man puts down a single stone and says, “I resign.”

Like that, the spell is broken and Hikaru leans back and glances at the ceiling, eyes unseeing as the darkness inside lifts from him, dissipating into nothingness. This was the game he had wanted all those years ago. This had been the game he’d wanted to show his student. This had been his dream, and a thousand years later, he has finally fulfilled it.

A tear falls from one eye, then another from the next, and Hikaru just closes his eyes, just relishing in finally feeling whole and free for the first time in his life.

His opponent is quiet and respectful, perhaps understanding that Hikaru has gone through a metamorphosis thanks to this game while those that has watched nearby are silent, perhaps at the game, or from the somber silence his opponent keeps.

After what seems like an eternity in Hikaru but a few minutes in reality, Hikaru opens his eyes with a warm gentle smile. “Thank you, Touya-san.”

The elder Touya gazes at Hikaru with a curious expression, but nods all the same. “I must thank you for such a game as this. I have not been so challenged in recent years.”

Hikaru nods in agreement. “I’ve waited so long for a game like this,” Hikaru admits. “The internet has many interesting opponents though,” Hikaru adds to veil his thousand year secret.  
  
“So you are Sai,” the elder Touya confirms.

“Ah, yes, I am. I did not know you knew me,” Hikaru says slightly amused. Had he been that popular?

“Know you? The whole internet is wildly searching for any information on you!” exclaims a young man sitting off to the side. He’d first scoffed at the thought of Hikaru, a child, playing against the elder Touya rather vehemently, but had been silenced by the game. Now, looking at his eyes, Hikaru realizes this man has quite changed his opinion of Hikaru, and looks one step away from asking, or perhaps demanding, for a game. But that will come later.

“Would you like to discuss the game?’ Hikaru offers, the teacher in him finally emerging happily.

“Of course,” and the elder begins to clear the board and Hikaru assists, eager to finally, _finally_ , discuss this game he’s loved for all his lives.


	5. seki

The moment Hikaru steps into the Institute for the Pro exam, he’s bombarded by teens who demand to know if he really is Sai. He attempts to draw back at the onslaught with a cringed smile on his face, one hand holding tightly to his new paper fan, but Ogata blocks him from behind.

Hikaru bumps into him and looks up in time to see Ogata’s death glare at the teens who all promptly cower away, and Hikaru can’t help but chuckle at the sight. The sound draws Ogata’s attention to himself, and the man raises an eyebrow before rolling his eyes and smirking.

Hikaru lets out the breath he’s been holding and gazes at the Institute once more. It’s like a haven for Go players, full of people brimming with love of the game, and Hikaru is excited to take part in all of this.

It took the combined effort of the elder Touya, who is apparently a Meijin, a title that Go professionals can hold, along with Ogata, who is a Judan, another title, to convince his parents of his skill and how well he’d flourish as a Go professional. They’d brought pamphlets, along with giving their own life accounts, and of the level of Hikaru’s skill.

His parents had been disbelieving, but Ogata is charming while the elder Touya is always serious and emits an aura of nobility, and his parents had been swayed. His father had just gone with the flow, but his mother had gazed at him worryingly, asking if this was what he’d really wanted. Hikaru had felt taken aback at the love he saw there, and he’d thought of another who’d looked at him such once before. With love and tears in his eyes, he’d nodded and said, “Yes.” He wanted another chance, one more go at this life.

His mother had hugged him and waited for him to cease crying before taking them back to the living room where everyone awaited. His mother had grudgingly agreed, but not before coercing the two men to look after Hikaru, of which Ogata had gladly accepted.

Hikaru thinks back to the _care_ Ogata and the elder Touya have given HIkaru, and scoffs at the idea of them taking care of him as if he were a child. All they want is a game, a discussion, and more games afterwards.

Still, Hikaru thinks fondly of how Ogata buys him dinner at his favorite restaurants after, how he indulges Hikaru in his love of soccer when games are on, and how he doesn’t smoke or drink in his presence. The elder Touya often invites Hikaru to meals and answers any and all questions Hikaru has of the world, of Go professionals, of anything and everything, and he never loses his respect for Hikaru no matter how silly some of his questions get.

Everything feels bright and glorious, and as Ogata gently pushes him towards his first game, Hikaru feels grateful that he has another chance to live his life, and with these people supporting him, Hikaru knows he will be able to accomplish anything, perhaps even the Hand of God.


	6. atari

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback chapter. Beware of suicide.

Sai is two when he’s sat in front of a wooden board and taught how to hold a smooth stone between his fingers. It takes him some time; he is two after all, but he masters how to hold the stone properly and the first few moves of the game in the next few months.

Sai is four when he experiences his first real loss at Go, and he feels crushed because he’s only four and he has tried his best, but it isn’t enough. His mother gently runs her fingers through his hair as she rocks him in her lap, telling him how good he did, and how she’s proud of him. Sai snuggles deeper into the embrace and silently swears he’ll do better next time. He promises to really make her proud.

Sai is twelve and he’s beat all of the masters of Go in his town. Of course, he’s also a beautiful calligraphist and flute player, but Go is where he shines the best because something in it calls out to him. Somehow, word gets back to the Capital that there is a prodigy Go player, and he’s asked to come and play in the Capital against their best. Sai smiles to his mother. He is going to keep his silent promise.

Sai is nineteen and he’s asked to teach many of the noblemen’s children in the ways of Go. It’s a joy he’s never experience from just destroying his opponents. It’s a joy of fostering new growth in the next generation, and it fulfills Sai in ways that tournaments don’t. But what really matters is that he is still playing Go, and that brings him the most joy of all.

Sai is twenty four when he gets a notice from the Emperor’s courier. The other tutor wants to have a contest, to see who is most suited to teach the Emperor the way of Go. Sai frowns at the idea, because they are both one of the best players in the land, and the Emperor will benefit more by having a varied teaching style, but the Emperor wants the game as well, so Sai has to comply. And perhaps they might reach the Hand of God together through this game.

He’s called a cheater, a disgrace. Rumors have spread across the Capital and even to his hometown that he’s cheated his way through life, that he doesn’t really deserve any of the life he has made for himself. His mother can barely look at him, tears in her eyes, and Sai feels so heavy inside.

He loves his mother, and he remembers that promise he made years ago. He remembers swearing to make his mother proud, because he loves her more than anything, even Go.

But there is no way he can make her proud now. He is a _cheater_. A liar who cheated his way to a position he no longer has. He’s a disgrace to the family, to his mother, and there is only one thing he can do to make things right. To keep his promise.

It won’t make her proud, at least, he hope it won’t. But it will ease the atmosphere around their home. It’ll help his family to thrust him away, to toss out his tainted history and help them build anew. It will grant them a chance to regain their noble stature, and that is all he can give now.

So he makes his way to his favorite lake near his home. It’s full of water lilies in full bloom, dragonflies flittering about even in the dark of night. The moon shines full above, and somehow even the gaze of the moon feels heavy as Sai takes one step into the lake, then another. He keeps going until he can’t breathe, until his body instinctively lashes out, trying to reach above, but Sai refuses with all his mind,

He sinks deeper and deeper into the darkness, and he hopes with what little life he has left that his mother will be happy.

 

* * *

 

Sai tries not to notice how his family barely manages to hold on, his mother devastated by his death and quickly weakening in health. His family seems determined to drown in darkness with him, and Sai can’t bear to watch anymore, so he leaves for his other regret.

His family is not what ties him to this land, so it has to be Go. So Sai dwells within a goban, not the one that ruined his life, but any goban he comes around. He feels games being played out before him, and it’s strange watching the game from this perspective.

It’s almost clinical, and he just focuses on the tap of the stones on wood and try to find some sort of peace so he can move on.

It takes many hundreds of years before someone who can see him appears. It’s a little boy who has a weak body, but the boy can see him, and Sai thinks this is his chance at freedom.

He just needs to accomplish something to be free of this state, and he’s pretty certain it’s Go. His family is long gone, lost in history as a disgraced family, and there is no salvation for him there.

So he asks the little boy to play Go for him, and the child agrees. He’s so kind and gentle, so giving and willing, and Sai plays and plays. Torajiro becomes famous at a young age, and is called Honinbou Shuusaku for his skill. Many come from across the lands to learn from him, and it’s not really Torajiro but Sai who is playing and teaching, but something is still missing.

Sai just plays and plays, but in the end, he’s only directing Torajiro to do this and that, and then…

Sai is left adrift once more as Torajiro passes and he’s at a loss. He enters Torajiro’s goban, the one they’d played thousands of games on through Torajiro’s life, but it is empty and there is nothing for Sai here.

So he lets himself go, and time passes when darkness descends upon Sai, and he falls…

Hikaru’s first memories are of a game on a wooden board covered with black and white stones that shine like stars across a universe, and of a woman gently smiling as she runs her fingers through his hair, proudly calling him Sai.


	7. yose

“I surrender,” his opponent states halfway through the game, and Hikaru holds in his sigh. Here is another opponent who refuses to try until the end, but perhaps he is being too harsh on them. They see the vast gap of experience between Hikaru and themselves, and they cower from him.

Still, Akira and quite a few of the former Insei love to challenge Hikaru for a game of Go, and while it usually ends up as a teaching game, it’s fun and invigorating in ways these weekly required matches don’t quite measure up to.

He smiles warmly as he finishes cleaning up the match because he does have manners and stands up to leave, and pauses as he notices Seiji standing by the door waiting for him. He grins as he quietly makes his way over, carefully tucking away his worn paper fan.

Seiji raises an eyebrow, to which Hikaru just rolls his eyes. The man shakes his head, places a warm hand on Hikaru’s back and guides him out. They get lunch at a nice sushi restaurant nearby before heading off to the Touya’s residence.

It’s Thursday which means if neither Hikaru or Touya-san has a game, then they will play together. They try to get together at least once a week, more if possible, for games. It’s refreshing to play against someone who’s as strong as he is. It’s also wonderful to play with the one who freed him from the darkness.

Not that Seiji isn’t strong in his own way, or just as special. Hikaru enjoys playing against him daily, and the man is still growing stronger with every game they play. But with Seiji, Hikaru has other benefits to the relationship that he would never ask for from Touya-san.

“When did you say your group meeting changed to?” Seiji asks as he stops at a light.

Hikaru thinks for a moment. “Saturday. Waya and Isumi are returning from their honeymoon tomorrow, and they both wanted a game as soon as possible.” Hikaru shakes his head fondly. “We’ll be meeting up for lunch, then we’ll probably end up at our home for the game itself.”

Seiji just hums his acknowledgement as the light changes once more, and they continue along their way.

“Anything I should buy at the store?”

Hikaru smiles at the question. Moments like this is why Hikaru loves him and stays with him even with his bouts of obsessiveness. “Nah, I’ve got everything we need at home, and we’ll be eating out,” Hikaru reminds again.

“But the red head always eats out our pantry,” Seiji defends.

Hikaru chuckles at the remark. It is true, after all. “Well, maybe some things he can snack on then,” Hikaru amends.

Seiji sighs, but then smiles. They’ve arrived, and it’s time for a new game to begin. Hikaru lets Seiji open the car door for him, and as they make their way to the front door, a light shines inside Hikaru. It’s reminiscent of that day, of his first game in this life as a child against Akira. It’s almost divine in nature, and Hikaru feels many memories flash by.

Some are old, of his favorite piece on the flute, his mother showing him how to tie his hair properly, all the while complimenting how long and beautiful it is.

Some are less old, of being tied to a goban, and directing a child how to place a stone on the board properly.

Many are new. He’s asked to play in a youth cup where he meets his one time boyfriend Ko Yong-Ha. He wins the Honinbou title and Seiji is standing at the back, a proud smile on his face. He turns twenty one and he jumps Seiji who struggles to refuse, but gives in eventually as the real stubborn one in the relationship is Hikaru. He’s twenty five when they move in together into a nice home between the Institute and Hikaru’s childhood home.

Now at twenty eight, Hikaru is living a life doing what he loves with people he loves, and he looks back at everything, from his death to his life, and he regrets nothing. Not his death, not his years as a ghost, and not this life.

He finds no pain, no sadness from the betrayal, from being accused, isolated and shamed. He feels only peace, and it’s like every moment of his existence is a stone placed upon a board known as the universe, and he can see the game of his life being played out before him. 

A stumble here creates dead clusters, but the choice to go on brings life to previously dead ones, and each experience he’s had is creating a game that spans the length of a thousand years.

Hikaru reads ahead, and he sees how the game is a close one, his past life having been full of loss and darkness, but the time with Torajiro is a lull in the battles until his rebirth, where while there is some loss, it is full of fighting and winning. And this game is one he wants to win.

“Hikaru?” Seiji asks concerned as Hikaru stands still on the path, one hand stretched out to pull Hikaru along.

Smiling brightly, Hikaru takes the hand and moves forward, and in his soul, a new stone shines brightly on the board of his life, shifting the game into yose, and he knows he has reached the Hand of God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! I wanted some sort of relationship at the end, and Ogata won out mostly because Hikaru is mentally really old, and I would feel so bad for putting Sai who has a thousand years of existence with a teen, but also because I love Ogata.


End file.
